One Night Stands and other Corny stuff

For the life of me I cannot remember where I heard this one but I just can't get it out of my head. So I thought I would share it with you and maybe you can be tortured right along with me!! LOL

I am getting too old to have one nightstands in a hotel room. So now I only stay at hotels that have two nightstands .

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A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He said: "Call for backup."

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Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Confucius Says...

My husband sent this to me. He knows me so well and this is right up all of our alleys!!!

Confucius say....

If you can't find the book

you want,

You're probably shopping

at the...

This made me laugh a little but now I am going to go put my head back on the pillow.