Thought I would share a few laughs...

My husband has been sending me emails left and right today... well he sends so many that I don't normally read them all completely through, but today's batch have me busting my gut! Hope you guys enjoy some of my husbands sense of humor!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love Dress

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was
shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch,
totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of
perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?!" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from
work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law
exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law
explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress,"
she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he
sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and
ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of
me"

The mother-in-law left. When she got
home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume,
dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the
couch, waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her
husband came home.

He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered
sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for
dinner?

He never heard the gunshot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Candy with Little Holes

 

The children began to identify the flavors by their color:

Red.......................Cherry
Yellow...................Lemon
Green...................Lime
Orange ................Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None
of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometime call  your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SLOW DAY IN TEXAS

    It's a slow day in a little East Texas town. The sun is beating down, and the streets are deserted.  Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.....
 
    On this particular day a rich tourist from back east is driving through town. He stops at the motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick  one to spend the night.
 
      As soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the
bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
 
      The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to
retire his debt to the pig farmer.
 
       The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his
bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

       The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to
pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing
hard times and  has had to offer her "services" on credit.

        The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room
bill with the hotel owner.
           
       The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the
counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.
 
      At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks
up the $100 bill, states that the rooms are not satisfactory,
pockets the money, and leaves town.
 
       No one produced anything. No one earned anything.
 
However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.
 
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government

is conducting business today. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We are in trouble...

The population of this country is 300 million.

160 million are retired.



That leaves 140 million to do the work.




There are 85 million in school.





Which leaves 55 million to do the work.




Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government..




Leaving 20 million to do the work.





2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Bin-Laden.



Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.




Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city
Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.





At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.



Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.



Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.




That leaves just two people to do the work.



You and me.



And there you are,



Sitting on your butt,



At your computer.

Nice.

Real nice.

Between the Devil and Desire by Lorraine Heath

Book 2 in the Scoundrels of St. James Series

January 2009 - 978-0-06-135564-6

Once a pickpocket and thief, Jack Dodger is now the wealthy owner of one of London's most exclusive gentlemen's clubs.

But after one of his patrons bequeaths him his London residence, Jack finds himself dealing with the man's lovely widow.

When Olivia, Duchess of Lovingdon, is forced to share her beloved home with the notorious--and deliciously wicked--Jack Dodger, she quickly discovers that between the devil and desire, the only choice is surrender.

My Thoughts: I admit I chose this book for its cover and title. I don't think I even read the blurb that went along with it until I had my heart set on buying this particular book. I had never read Lorraine Heath, so why not give another author a shot at staying on my radar. Little did I know that it was the second book in Ms. Heath's Scoundrels of St. James series. You can read this one by itself, it is written to where you won't be in the dark by missing the first book. However you know, well anyone that reads romance on a regular basis will know, that there has to be another story before Jack's and that there most likely will be more to follow.

The blurb definitely describes Jack to a "T", he is deliciously wicked. He was a bastard child running the streets of London until one fateful day when he was notified that he had acquired an anonymous benefactor. The money he received from his benefactor aided him in building one of the most popular gaming hells in London and earning him quite a reputation among the elite. Ladies are whispering their tales of him over tea, while the men are paying enormous prices for him to keep their secrets in his club.

Jack has been summoned to a not so familiar Lord's residence for the reading of the will, his first encounter with the Duchess, Olivia. Sparks fly and wills collide after the reading is complete. Not only has Olivia lost her home to Jack, but she just may lose any say in the raising of her only child. Olivia is the epitome of everything that is proper, following the rules of society to a T. She is finding it rather difficult to share her home, well not her home, with the devil himself.

I enjoyed watching Jack and Olivia battle each other at every turn, watching them fall in love, despite what society deemed proper. Between the Devil and Desire was a fun, fascinating read that kept me enthralled to the very end. Jack has some scars that he hides and makes it difficult for him to care for anything other than his next coin, and watching these scars come forward was heart wrenching. I had only one small problem with the book, but thankfully the author did not go into great detail, and it did not take away from the 5 star rating that I have given to this book. I loved it!

The Darkest Night by Gena Showalter~~DIK Reading Challenge

Publisher: HQN Books (May 1, 2008)
ISBN-10: 0373772467

His powers — Inhuman
His passion — Beyond immortal . . .

All her life, Ashlyn Darrow has been tormented by voices from the past. To end the nightmare, she has come to Budapest seeking help from men rumored to have supernatural abilities, not knowing she’ll be swept into the arms of Maddox, their most dangerous member — a man trapped in a hell of his own.

Neither can resist the instant hunger than calms their torments . . . and ignites an irresistible passion. But every heated touch and burning kiss will edge them closer to destruction — and a soul-shattering test of love . . .

My Thoughts:

I have heard a lot of wonderful things about this series, however after reading The Darkest Fire I was not entirely sure that I would even get through this book. I am definitely going to say that my first thoughts were completely wrong. I was gripped and pulled into The Darkest Night almost instantaneously. I can only say that my hesitation and concerns were brought on because of how much I don't like reading short stories/anthologies. To me they just don't give enough of the author's talent for writing and things often progress too quickly between the hero and heroine for my liking. I guess I have to be a big fan of the author's previous works to really enjoy an anthology.

Maddox is one of several Warriors that have been cursed by the Gods for their actions and the part they played in opening Pandora's box releasing some of the most vile and evil demons to grace the planet. The Gods made warrior and demon one. Well I guess not necessarily one, as they are constantly at odds with each other, battling for dominance. Maddox received the most viscous of demons, Violence.

Ashlyn has been blessed, or cursed, with the ability to hear voices/conversation from the past. Anywhere she goes she hears the voices and has no idea how to control this ability. It is slowly driving her mad. As a child her parents, who are at there wits end, turn her over to the Institute. Ashlyn grows up basically as a lab rat with very little human emotion shared. She is desperate to find some way of controlling the voices.

In Budapest she hears of Angels on the mountain and in her desperation defies her boss to beg them for help. On the mountain she is put in Maddox's path. There is an instant connection between them and despite Maddox's warnings Ashlyn refuses to leave, following him instead.

The warriors are hunted by none other than the Hunters. They have in the past used Bait to lure the warriors out and distract them long enough for an attack and hopefully the desired results of killing the warriors. None of the Warriors in the castle trust Ashlyn, she has to be Bait. But for some unexplainable reason Maddox cannot except that she is Bait and looses himself to his demon anytime one of the Warriors verbally attacks her.

I enjoyed the start of LOTU. I was reminded of Rhage in BDB. Both of these men are cursed with an inner demon. The stories are completely different but they have the same outcome, the demon is calmed by a woman. I look forward to reading more LOTU. The Darkest Night did engage me through most of the book, there were some points where it seemed to slow down to a point where I was doing more skimming than reading. My laundry and house definitely suffered while I read this book though.

Rating:4.5 stars

The Darkest Fire by Gena Showalter

He is the guardian of hell, more monster than man. She is the goddess of oppression, more angel than woman. Together they will enter the flames to battle a dangerous horde of demon lords — and discover a passion unlike any other….








My Thoughts:

The Darkest Fire is the prelude to the Lords of the Underworld series. That being said, if you don't read e-books or you are like me and don't like anthologies, you won't miss out on anything by not reading this story.

Geyron traded his soul to the devil to save his wife's life, now he the task of guarding the gates to Hell have been bestowed on him. He is transformed into a hideous beast that with one swipe of his claw can poison any foe.

Kadence is the Goddess of Oppression. The Gods have demanded that she be the keeper of the wall to Hell. For years she walks the wall delicately touching and restoring it, making sure that none of Lucifer's demons are allowed to escape.

When the wall shows sign of tumbling Geyron and Kadence must work together to fix the wall and round up the demons who seek to destroy the wall.

I gave this story a 3 star rating. I am sure it has to do with my bias against anthologies and short stories, but the story progressed much too quickly for my taste. I guess, however that 200 years (I think) of being in each others presence without any communication or physical contact could attribute the desire and attraction that the hero and heroine felt for each other. All in all it is a decent story that sets up the series wonderfully.

Captive of Sin by Anna Campbell

He pledged his honor to keep her safe...

Returning home to Cornwall after unspeakable tragedy, Sir Gideon Trevithick comes upon a defiant beauty in danger, and vows to protect her whatever the cost. He's dismayed to discover that she's none other than Lady Charis Weston, England's wealthiest heiress-and that the only way to save her from the violent stepbrothers determined to steal her fortune is to wed her himself! Now Gideon must hide the dark secrets of his life from the bride he desires more with every heartbeat.

She promised to show him how to love - and desire - again...

Charis has heard all about Gideon, the dangerously handsome hero with the mysterious past. She's grateful for his help, but utterly unwilling to endure a marriage of convenience-especially to a man whose touch leaves her breathless. Desperate to drive him mad with passion, she would do anything to make Gideon lose control-and fall captive to irresistible, undeniable sin.

My Thoughts:

Captive of Sin is only the second book that I have read by this author, but Anna Campbell did it again! She has completely Wowed me! Her characters are strong and resilient. The story line is thick with passion, love, and deceit.

Feeling as if he will never be a part of society again, Gideon is tormented by his demons. He has accepted that he will never lead a normal life, everything that is taken for granted by others will be denied him. He is touted a Hero, and he despises it. He does not think of himself as a hero and does not accept gratitude willingly. He just wants to get home and get started with some semblance of life when he comes across Charis.

Charis has an inner strength that has kept her alive thus far. She reluctantly accepts Gideon's help to escape Winchester and her deplorable step brothers. She feeds him several falsehoods only to have everything backfire in her face. Now Gideon and Charis are faced with a marriage of convenience.

Captive of Sins was captivating, heart wrenching, and all together an Awesome book! I am looking forward to grabbing more by Ms. Campbell!

Rating: 5 stars

Sinful Surrender by Beverly Kendall

Millicent “Missy” Armstrong is entering her fourth London Season, but not for lack of suitors. Since her debut three years ago, Missy has received twenty marriage proposals. But she is interested in only one man—her brother’s best friend, James Rutherford. As a child, Missy looked up to James. As a grown up, her admiration has blossomed into the longings of a beautiful, sensuous woman—and she won’t rest until James admits his love—and desire—for her…

James Rutherford rues the day he let his physical weaknesses get the better of him by kissing Missy. His best friend has made it clear that Missy is off limits, and though he’s avoided her for three years, he hasn’t forgotten the feel of her soft lips pressed against his—and it seems neither has she. For no matter how much James tries to discourage Missy, he keeps winding up in her arms, sharing heated caresses that promise the most delirious pleasure...

My Thoughts:

I have been patiently waiting for Ms. Kendall's debut novel for some months now. Finding the lovely cover and then reading the blurb on on of Ms. Kendall's wonderful sites The Season, I didn't waste anytime adding Sinful Surrender to my wish list and started counting down the days until release day.

Who doesn't love a story where the younger sister is in love with the best friend! I guess I love them so much because I was always put into similar situations. My brother had some of the cutest friends, but they were strictly off limits! I always respected my brother's wishes not to date his friends, and hated it when the guy I liked found out who my big brother was because he became friend and not boyfriend... tended to make it hard for a girl to find a boyfriend in high school.

Missy on the other hand, while respecting her brother did not respect these wishes. She threw herself at James the moment she was considered old enough to court. James, however was not going to go against his best friend. James took to staying as far away from Missy as possible for as long as possible. None of this deterred Missy. She fancied herself in love with James and no one else would do, not even the Duke!

With Missy entering into her fourth season and two more sisters coming up behind her, Armstrong (Missy's brother) is desperate to get her married and settled. He asks James to change their tactics and to be at every ball, party, opera, etc. possible with any one of his beautiful lady friends and to discourage Missy by showing his rakehell side.

Sinful Surrender was a pleasure to read. I could say that it rivals Julia Quinn in feel. Congratulations Ms. Kendall on an AWESOME debut!!! I highly recommend reading Sinful Surrender!

Rating: 4.5

Master of Surrender by Karin Tabke

The year is 1066. William, bastard Duke of Normandy, has claimed the English throne by right of conquest. To quell the Saxon unrest, William sends out his most trusted knights to secure the land. One of those knights is his cousin, Sir Rohan de Luc, known far and wide for his bloody deeds as The Black Sword. . .

Bold and courageous, Saxon maiden Isabel of Alethorpe is the only one left to protect the people of the manor and its lands. When Rohan de Luc seizes Alethorpe, he offers to spare the life of Isabel’s young squire in exchange for her willing gift of the charms of her body. Betrothed to another, she vows to that while he may take her maidenhead, her heart will remain her own. But even as her lips say no, Isabel’s traitorous body is awakened to desire by the seductive attentions of this potent invader. Can she remain true to her own people, or will Sir Rohan’s skilled touch capture her unwilling heart as surely as his prowess with his sword captured her father’s lands?

My Thoughts:
Rohan de Luc and his fellow knights,having survived a tortuous captivity, learn of the Blood Sword Legacy as they are escaping the dungeons in Iberia. While it is not thoroughly explained, these Christian Knights were betrayed and led into a trap. Each bears a sword on his chest and a half moon scar on their chin. They have banded together and become William of Normandy's most trusted knights.

These knights are hated and feared. With the tenants fleeing to the woods and raiders stalking and killing them Rohan must figure a way to gain their trust in order to secure the land for William.

Isabel is holding out hope that her father and brother will return from battle and oust these knights, but until then she must lead her people by example and show courage while doing everything in her power to protect them. In exchange for one boy's life she trades her only possession left to her... her virginity. In a twist of fate she is saved from losing her maidenhead but must still allow liberties of her body to Rohan.

Her courage and wit keep her and her people safe and earn the respect of the most feared knights.

The Blood Sword Legacy is beginning and each of these knights play a role. Master of Torment follows this tale with Wulfson and another strong willed maiden.

Rating: 4.5

Reviews Upcoming

Ride the Fire by Pamela Clare

There was only one rule on the frontier—survival.

So when wounded, buckskin-clad stranger appeared at the door of her isolated cabin, Elspeth Stewart felt no qualms about disarming him and then tying him to her bed. Newly widowed and expecting her first child, she had to protect herself at all costs. And Nicholas Kenleigh threatened not only her safety, but her peace of mind. The terrible scars on his body spoke of a tortured past, but his gentle touch and burning gaze awoke longings she had never expected to feel. Bethie had every reason in the world to distrust men; the cruelty she suffered at their hands had marked her soul, though her blonde beauty showed no sign of it. But little by little she found herself believing in Nicholas, in his honor, his strength. As he brought her baby into the world, then took both mother and daughter into his care, she realized this scarred survivor could heal her wounded spirit, and together they would… Ride the Fire.

My Thoughts:
This was my first experience with Pamela Clare. I did something I never do... bought the book from the Dollar Tree. For some reason I have been closed minded to any book on display at any of the "Dollar" store chains. I can happily say that I got the better end of the deal spending only a dollar on the book and receiving an excellent book! This being the first book I read for 2010 I am happy to say that I am off to a wonderful start in my reading.

Ride the Fire takes place just after the French and Indian War, I love reading books set during any war but most especially those that took place on our soil here in the States. To top it all off it also involved Indians and the Frontier.

Nicholas was captured by the Wyandot Indians and tortured. When he was finally able to escape the hell that had become his life he returned home to his family in Virginia only to realize that he had escaped one hell to enter another. One that was entirely in him. His soul was tortured and he could not live among his family any longer for fear of what he had become and what he might unintentionally do. So he headed West hoping for death to consume him.

Bethie is widowed and heavily pregnant when Nicholas stumbles into her yard, forcing her to care for his injuries. Growing up in the Frontier, Bethie is not stupid and knows that she has to figure a way to keep herself safe from this man who has held a gun to her head and demanded her help. The Christian inside her won't allow her to kill him while he sleeps. They come to a silent agreement. He takes care of the work that she should not be doing and she allows him to stay under her roof until he is strong enough to move on. Bethie's strong character eventually wins Nicholas's dead heart and soul.

They fight their way to safety and deal with their inner demons side by side. Ride the Fire is a great first read by a new author and for a new year.

Rating 4.5